i hope i'm a good leader

leadership is a strange balancing act; on one side, there’s the unshakable resolve you’re supposed to embody—the deadlines you chase, the standards you set, the rules you enforce. on the other, there’s the vulnerability of wondering if you’re doing it right, if you’re being fair, if you’re building something worthwhile instead of leaving behind cracks. being a leader, for me, is not about being the one making the decisions. it’s about approving decisions taken by your team members. i’m in my third year of undergrad and i’ve been a member of many clubs; and i can honestly say that i’ve had my fair share of bad leaders and good. mostly good, i should add. and i want to be like them; they have set the bar too high and now i must strive to be like them. they have been such good role models but i’m sometimes afraid i’ll be nothing like them. i mean, i know i’ll have my own style of leadership and i can’t really predict anything but at the same time, i want to have a good relationship with my team. this is such a classic me; worrying about something that hasn’t happened to me. that’s a substack post for another date.

what does it take to be a leader? you have to be kind and hard, often at the same time. you have to be the one who holds space (haha) for your team’s fears and frustrations while making sure their efforts stay purposeful. you hope that when you’re being kind, it’s not mistaken for weakness, and when you’re being hard, it’s not mistaken for cruelty. you walk this tightrope, never sure if the person on the other end of the email, message, or meeting is seeing you as you hope to be seen.

i spend a lot of my time hoping—hoping i make a positive impact on my team, hoping i give them the space to grow, to feel seen, to feel valued. there’s this little voice that never quite goes away, whispering, are you ruining this for them? every time i send a message that starts with "kindly note" or give feedback on a task that’s not quite up to the mark, i worry i’m chipping away at someone’s enthusiasm. what if the club or organization that’s meant to be their safe space ends up feeling suffocating because of me? what if the experience they were excited about becomes another checkbox, something they endure instead of enjoy?

but leadership isn’t just about avoiding mistakes. from what i’ve read, seen, observed, heard, experienced… it’s about showing up, even when you’re unsure. it’s about admitting when you’ve been wrong or when you don’t have the answer. i hope my team sees that too. i hope they know it’s okay to stumble, to mess up, to feel lost—because i do, more often than i’d like to admit.

hey everyone,

i just wanted to take a moment to thank each of you for coming together and making the [school visit] such a beautiful success. whether you were part of [my club] or joined us from [other clubs], your presence and efforts truly made all the difference.

it was amazing to see so many people, from different clubs, working side by side with the same passion and commitment. from adding impromptu sketch scenes to engaging with the kids in ways that lit up their faces, every small contribution came together to create something impactful.

thank you for showing up, for your patience, and for the fun, laughter, and warmth you brought to the day. today's success won't have been possible without you. i truly hope this is just the beginning of many more impactful collaborations together.

with much gratitude,
abhinav

~a thank you message i wrote to my team after leading my first event today, i’ve been a part of lot of clubs but never have i been in charge of planning and conducting an event all by myself

a funny way to think about is that leadership feels like planting seeds in a garden you may never see in full bloom. you pour your time, energy, and heart into people and projects, hoping that something beautiful will come of it. but you might never know how deeply your impact runs. maybe you’ll see it in a smile during a meeting, in the way someone starts taking initiative, or in the gratitude they express after it’s all over. maybe you won’t see it at all, and that’s okay too.

can i just mention one of my closest friends

Rashi

who, after some major drama in her club, called herself the michael scott of her club, and i just can’t seem to stop thinking about it. michael scott had a rough time being a leader, not because he wasn’t great at it, he just had his own way of leadership that the rest of the employees at dunder mifflin didn’t fuck with. and that’s not something i want for myself. i’m afraid my method of leadership would be too weird or uncomfortable and i don’t want that. no one wants that.

Rashi

also wanted me to add something about the perils of wanting to be a leader while also being someone who gets attached pretty quickly. what are you supposed to do when you mistake followership to be an open invitation to be vulnerable? what are you supposed to do when you spill your guts out to people who don’t care enough to go talk about your problems to other people, essentially bitching about and making fun of you? what are you supposed to do when your follow request to their private instas gets rejected and you can see your other team members following the same account, and you can’t stop thinking whether the reason they rejected your follow request was not because you weren’t close enough but was so that they have a safe space to talk shit about you? what are you supposed to do on the days when you know you’re being too hard on them but you also know you need to be hard on them because how else is the work going to get done, and you keep repeating i’m sorry in your mind but can’t seem to find the courage to say it out loud because you’re afraid you’ll seem weak and you don’t want to give them new material to laugh at? what are you supposed to do when you’re forced to be the leader you don’t want to be? what are you supposed to do?

i hope i’m a good leader. i hope i’m the kind of person who can inspire while staying grounded, who can build trust while respecting boundaries and someone who can make events fun and fruitful. i hope that when my team looks back, they remember not just the work we did but the way it felt to do it together.

because at the end of the day, being a good leader isn’t about the titles or accomplishments—it’s about the people. it’s about making sure that, for a little while, they felt like they belonged to something bigger than themselves, something that mattered. and if i can do that, maybe, just maybe, i’m on the right track.