someone called me the most self-aware person they've met

and of course i had to write a substack post about it

this post is on theme with some of the other substacks i’ve posted recently. i guess the fear of not achieving anything in life is so deeply ingrained in me that i’m constantly running on autopilot and this feeling is the never-ending fuel to my energy to do multiple things together.

i’ve never thought of myself as particularly self-aware. if anything, i’m usually so caught up in the frenzy of life that i forget to check in with myself. yet, someone recently told me i’m the most self-aware person they’ve met, and i haven’t been able to shake that statement since. it made me wonder: what does it mean to be self-aware? and how do you even begin to measure it?

in my mind, being self-aware means knowing your flaws, your strengths, your motivations—and being okay with them. but here’s the thing: i don’t always feel okay with them. most days, i’m moving so fast between tasks, projects, and people that i barely get the time to sit with my own thoughts. maybe that’s the irony of it all. perhaps it's in the middle of all this chaos that i’ve developed this kind of hyper-awareness of how i operate.

i’ve noticed that this never-ending cycle of busyness isn't just because i want to be productive; it's almost like a defense mechanism. there’s something about constantly keeping myself busy that keeps the self-doubt at bay. the fear of not achieving anything significant in life looms large, so i use that fear to propel me forward, to do more, to be more. but does this heightened awareness of my own drive count as self-awareness, or is it something else?

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when i first heard that comment about being self-aware, i was flattered, but also slightly confused. i’m aware that i overthink things, that i can be hard on myself, that i push myself to the point of exhaustion—and yet, i’m not always sure i know how to change those things. does recognizing these patterns automatically mean i’m self-aware? or is there a step beyond that—like taking action—that i haven’t quite mastered yet?

i guess the reason this comment stuck with me is because it forced me to examine my relationship with self-awareness more closely. on the surface, i suppose i do reflect on my behaviors and try to understand why i react to things the way i do. but deeper down, there’s a tension between knowing and accepting. i know i’m running on autopilot most of the time, but accepting that as part of my personality is harder. in some ways, i feel like i’m constantly battling against the very things i’m most aware of.

self-awareness isn’t just about recognizing your habits; it’s about the ability to challenge them. it’s one thing to know that you’re afraid of failure, and quite another to actually sit with that fear, to explore where it comes from, and to do something about it. for me, that fear has been a double-edged sword. on one hand, it fuels my drive to keep achieving, to take on new projects, and to always be on the move. on the other hand, it can be paralyzing, making me question whether anything i do will ever be enough.

there are moments, though, when i think that maybe self-awareness is more about balance. it’s about finding the space to recognize your flaws without letting them define you. i have a tendency to beat myself up for not being perfect, for not always being in control. but then, isn’t part of being self-aware also recognizing when to let go of that control? when to accept that not everything needs to be fixed or figured out right away?

i often wonder if the reason i was called self-aware is because of my ability to articulate these thoughts—to name the fears, to pinpoint the patterns. but the truth is, i’m still figuring it all out. maybe that’s what self-awareness really looks like: not having all the answers, but being willing to ask the questions.

i’m starting to realize that self-awareness is a process, not a destination. it’s not about reaching some perfect state of understanding where you’ve got yourself all figured out. instead, it’s about staying open to the idea that you’ll always be evolving, always learning more about yourself as you go through different stages of life.

sometimes, i feel like my own worst critic. i notice every mistake, every insecurity, and i often dwell on them far longer than i should. but lately, i’ve been trying to approach this self-awareness thing with a bit more compassion. it’s not about picking myself apart; it’s about learning to be okay with the messiness of it all. after all, part of being self-aware is recognizing that perfection doesn’t exist—and that’s a tough pill to swallow for someone who’s always strived for it.

what i’ve found interesting is that the more i reflect on this, the more i see self-awareness as a form of empowerment. knowing yourself—your limits, your motivations, your fears—gives you the power to make more intentional choices. it’s about having the clarity to say, “this is why i’m doing this,” and “this is what i need to change.” but it’s also about accepting that sometimes, you’re going to make mistakes. you’re going to fall into old habits, or push yourself too hard, or avoid dealing with certain emotions—and that’s okay, too.

i think back to the person who called me the most self-aware person they’ve met, and i wonder what they saw in me that i often overlook in myself. maybe it was my tendency to overanalyze or my constant questioning of why i do what i do. or maybe it was the fact that i’m always striving to understand myself better, even when it’s uncomfortable. there’s a vulnerability in that—a willingness to look at the parts of yourself that aren’t always pretty or polished, and to own them.

in a way, being called self-aware felt like both a compliment and a challenge. it’s like being handed a mirror and asked to really look at your reflection, flaws and all. but instead of feeling the need to fix everything in that reflection, i’m learning to simply acknowledge it. to be aware of it, and to let that awareness guide me, rather than control me.

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