the intimacy of being understood
there’s a certain warmth that comes from the feeling of being understood. it’s not just about hearing the right words or receiving thoughtful responses—it’s more than that. it’s when someone truly gets you, sees past the surface of what you're saying, and taps into the heart of your emotions. it’s rare, and maybe that’s why it feels so intimate when it happens. being understood makes everything else fade away for a moment because, in that instant, you’re not alone in your thoughts or feelings. someone else is standing right there with you, not just as an observer but as someone who sees into your world and resonates with it.
one of the most intimate things you can experience in life is that deep connection of being understood by another person. it’s a moment that catches you off guard, often when you least expect it. one minute you’re talking about something that’s been weighing you down or trying to express how you feel about something important, and suddenly, the other person responds in a way that makes you realize they’re not just listening—they’re actually with you. it’s like they’ve found a way to translate the abstract thoughts in your mind into something tangible, something they can hold alongside you. and it’s in that shared understanding that intimacy blossoms.
what’s interesting is that it doesn’t always happen in conversations with people you know deeply. sometimes, a person you’ve just met or someone you don’t talk to often can surprise you by understanding something essential about you.
but that’s the beauty of it, i think—the unintentional nature of understanding. we spend so much time trying to explain ourselves, trying to make sure others know what we mean, and yet, those moments of deep understanding often happen when we’re not trying at all. we’re just being ourselves, saying whatever comes naturally, and someone else is right there, catching the meaning behind it. it feels effortless, but it’s not because it comes from a place of empathy and connection. that’s what makes it feel so intimate—it’s the result of someone else caring enough to pay attention, to look beyond the words, and to recognize something real.
of course, this kind of understanding isn’t something that happens all the time. in fact, more often than not, we’re misunderstood. it’s so easy to be misread, for our intentions or feelings to be taken the wrong way. and that can be lonely. you share a thought or an emotion, and instead of finding understanding, you’re met with confusion or, worse, indifference. it’s like shouting into the wind, hoping for an echo, but getting nothing in return. that’s when the absence of understanding can feel especially isolating, like you’re adrift, and no one quite knows where you are or what you're going through.
there have been times when i’ve tried so hard to explain myself to someone, and they just couldn’t grasp what i was trying to say. it wasn’t their fault, and it wasn’t mine—it was just that our worlds weren’t aligning in that moment. but that’s when i started realizing how rare and precious true understanding is. when you’ve been misunderstood enough times, you start to crave those moments where someone just gets it without you having to break it down piece by piece.
and then there’s the flip side—being the one who understands someone else. it’s equally intimate, if not more so. there’s a quiet satisfaction in being able to see someone for who they are, even if they haven’t fully revealed themselves. you watch their face, listen to their words, and something clicks. you can tell they’re not just saying what’s on their mind but also what’s in their heart, and you can relate to it. being on the receiving end of that kind of understanding feels like a gift, but giving it is an act of love in itself. it’s saying, “i see you. i’m here with you in this moment, and i get it.”
that’s what makes understanding so powerful—it’s about presence. it’s about being fully there, with all of your attention, your empathy, and your openness. and when you give that to someone, or when they give it to you, it creates a bond that’s hard to describe. it’s not about being best friends or soulmates; it’s about a shared experience, a fleeting moment where you’re both on the same wavelength, even if just for a little while.
i’ve thought a lot about why this feeling of being understood resonates so deeply, and i think it’s because we’re all walking around with so many unspoken thoughts and feelings. most of us are trying to figure out how to navigate the world, how to express ourselves, and how to make sense of what’s going on inside our heads. so, when someone else comes along and manages to tune into that frequency—without you having to ask—it feels like a weight lifts off your shoulders. you don’t have to explain or justify yourself anymore. you can just be, and that’s enough.
there’s an intimacy in that kind of acceptance. you’re showing someone a piece of yourself, and they’re accepting it without question. it’s not about agreeing with everything you say or sharing the same opinions—it’s about understanding where you’re coming from, even if their perspective is different. it’s about respect and validation, about recognizing that we all have our own unique experiences, and sometimes, those experiences overlap in ways we don’t expect.
and, really, it’s in those overlaps that intimacy lives. when we find common ground, even in the smallest things, it makes the world feel a little less vast, a little less lonely. we don’t have to be perfectly in sync with everyone all the time—that would be exhausting. but when we do find those moments of understanding, we should cherish them. they remind us that connection is possible, that we’re not as isolated in our experiences as we might think.
ultimately, being understood isn’t about perfection. it’s not about having someone decode every part of you or always being on the same page. it’s about the effort—the willingness to try, to listen, to see beyond the obvious. it’s about showing up for someone else in a way that says, “i’m here. i’m paying attention. i care.” and when that happens, even if it’s fleeting, it’s intimate in a way that can’t be replicated by anything else. it’s real, it’s human, and it’s something we all need, whether we realize it or not.
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I've been meaning to write something like this and I so will because this is SO real and you've portrayed it perfectly. I always say to be loved is to be known. Sometimes love is "I brought you pepsi because I know you don't like coke" "ik your favourite football team so here's a keychain I found in the store". Sometimes its the same feeling you get when someone has also watched that small show that played on only one channel and you didnt even know the name of. That feeling of being understood, talking about something and the other person recognising it. When you point at their favourite car if you come across it on the road and know who's name makes them stricken. When half sentences and incoherent words are still understood because I'm your friend ik what you mean. When you don't have to explain things in great detail because they'll know from your voice that you're tired, they'll know what sweet treat you'd want and they'll know what show/song you'll like. They'll know because they're your friends. They get you. And nothing can beat that feeling. Tysm for this, amazing piece I loved it sm. I will definitely tag you whenever I do write smth similar to this. ♡
To me being understood is synonymous with being seen. When someone understands me I think ‘wow you see me. you see past all the fog, you see beneath all the pageantry. you recognise me when so many don’t’