Every time I have to ask my parents for something—whether it’s a new book, a pair of shoes, or even just permission to go somewhere—I feel an unbearable heaviness settle in my chest.
As an eldest daughter, this is so on point. On the flip side, I don’t hesitate when they ask me of something. It comes from a place of being needed when they never had to worry about me growing up. You inspired me to write my first piece for substack. Thank you.
I feel this on a deep level . Being the eldest daughter , even now that I grew up it has been challenging. Whenever I have to ask for something even if I need it , I get hit with this overwhelming feeling of guilt and anxiety , that I just drop it most of the time . I really think this has a lot to do with how we’ve been raised.
the way this resonates with is actually insane, being the first born daughter, first niece and first born grandchild is insane, the sunken feeling i would receive after asking for something no matter how small would possibly linger in my thoughts and body for days, Before asking for something, i would prepare days in advance, practice my words, practice my reactions depending on whether they say yes or no. So thank you, this made me feel seen
This is exactly the kind of content Substack wants and needs, and excellent work putting it so effectively into perspective! 🖤❤️
Likewise, great to meet you, and I’m glad that you’re finding Substack to be so rewarding! 😊🧡📄
Likewise, if you’re interested in a fresh perspective on culture, lifestyle, and politics, I’d really appreciate it if you could please subscribe to and comment on Letters From the Castle 🏰🌙💜
I've felt this way, a few hours ago actually. I felt guilty for needing, for wanting more than what has been given. A conversation with my mom invited this feeling, then as I read this I realized another reason why I left the person I was seeing. Needing felt like too much for them to bare. I'd ask ,and they'd give out of self neglect. We loved each other with the fear of losing one another. Not the sexy kind of fear, no. What we shared was touched with an air of desperation. Mine being escapism and theirs external validation. In the end, it felt safer to love myself in their absence.
This is so beautiful written! Thank you so much for sharing such a visceral perspective. I can feel it when I read it. It gives me a lot to think about
i can't tell you how much i relate to this. also, you know, i earn my own money now and when i get something for myself, i feel guilty. and i question myself, did i really need this? i don't know if i am making sense. also, in every other relationship in my life, i feel the same--am i asking too much? do i really have to ask for this? and this feeling is a burden itself.
i’m the eldest too, and i still feel the same way to this day…. asking always made me feel like i was asking for too much like the kind of guest no one so wants around so eventually, i just stopped askin
ive never felt more seen
Buddy this made me wanna cry at 10am in a busy subway on my way to work
As an eldest daughter, this is so on point. On the flip side, I don’t hesitate when they ask me of something. It comes from a place of being needed when they never had to worry about me growing up. You inspired me to write my first piece for substack. Thank you.
I feel this on a deep level . Being the eldest daughter , even now that I grew up it has been challenging. Whenever I have to ask for something even if I need it , I get hit with this overwhelming feeling of guilt and anxiety , that I just drop it most of the time . I really think this has a lot to do with how we’ve been raised.
the way this resonates with is actually insane, being the first born daughter, first niece and first born grandchild is insane, the sunken feeling i would receive after asking for something no matter how small would possibly linger in my thoughts and body for days, Before asking for something, i would prepare days in advance, practice my words, practice my reactions depending on whether they say yes or no. So thank you, this made me feel seen
This is exactly the kind of content Substack wants and needs, and excellent work putting it so effectively into perspective! 🖤❤️
Likewise, great to meet you, and I’m glad that you’re finding Substack to be so rewarding! 😊🧡📄
Likewise, if you’re interested in a fresh perspective on culture, lifestyle, and politics, I’d really appreciate it if you could please subscribe to and comment on Letters From the Castle 🏰🌙💜
My latest post: https://thewallachiangirl.substack.com/p/the-bazaar-girls
I've felt this way, a few hours ago actually. I felt guilty for needing, for wanting more than what has been given. A conversation with my mom invited this feeling, then as I read this I realized another reason why I left the person I was seeing. Needing felt like too much for them to bare. I'd ask ,and they'd give out of self neglect. We loved each other with the fear of losing one another. Not the sexy kind of fear, no. What we shared was touched with an air of desperation. Mine being escapism and theirs external validation. In the end, it felt safer to love myself in their absence.
As an eldest daughter I struggle with asking even for things I know people would be willing to give me
hey, you aren’t a burden and it’s okay to take up space, it’s actually your right :) I wish I could give you a hug
"The math lingers in the air" :)
This is so beautiful written! Thank you so much for sharing such a visceral perspective. I can feel it when I read it. It gives me a lot to think about
Real and powerful, thank you for sharing
As a fellow eldest I feel so seen by this
As the eldest sibling, trust me—I see you, honey
i can't tell you how much i relate to this. also, you know, i earn my own money now and when i get something for myself, i feel guilty. and i question myself, did i really need this? i don't know if i am making sense. also, in every other relationship in my life, i feel the same--am i asking too much? do i really have to ask for this? and this feeling is a burden itself.
i’m the eldest too, and i still feel the same way to this day…. asking always made me feel like i was asking for too much like the kind of guest no one so wants around so eventually, i just stopped askin