the key to life is gaslighting yourself

life isn’t necessarily knowing what you’re doing all the time—it’s about convincing yourself that you can figure it out along the way

if there’s one thing i’ve learned in recent years, it's that the key to life is gaslighting yourself. now, i know what you’re thinking: isn’t gaslighting supposed to be a toxic behavior used to manipulate and erode someone’s sense of reality? and yes, you’re right. when you hear “gaslighting,” your mind probably jumps to psychological manipulation or abuse, where one person twists the truth to make someone doubt their own experiences. but hear me out—i’m not talking about gaslighting others; i’m talking about gaslighting yourself, in the most positive, bizarre, and even slightly comical way possible.

in case you didn’t know, here’s a nugget of information — the term ‘gaslight’ was coined from the 1938 British play ‘Gaslight’, where the husband tries to convince his wife that she’s crazy by dimming the gaslight just a little bit when she’s alone. it has a movie adaptation, which you can watch here.

i remember the first time i realized i was doing it. it wasn’t a moment of deep insight or grand epiphany, but more like an accidental coping mechanism that gradually turned into a strategy. i was sitting in my room, scrolling through instagram, feeling that gnawing sense of inadequacy that hits you when you see everyone else’s highlight reels. everyone seemed to have their lives so put together—successful careers, amazing relationships, abs they probably didn't even have to photoshop. meanwhile, i was sitting there in my sweats, feeling stuck, and honestly, a little defeated. that’s when it hit me: what if i just pretended that i had it all together too? what if i tricked my brain into thinking i was one of those effortlessly successful people?

so, i tried it. i gaslit myself into believing that everything was already in place, that i was exactly where i needed to be, that i was doing just as well as anyone else—maybe even better. the more i pretended, the more it felt… well, kind of real. sure, deep down i knew i hadn’t magically solved all my problems, but something about faking that confidence helped me push through situations where i’d normally freeze up in self-doubt.

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it’s weird, right? we often think of “fake it till you make it” as a cliche, but gaslighting yourself goes deeper than that. it’s not just about pretending to be confident—it’s about convincing yourself so thoroughly that your brain starts to believe it. i gaslit myself into thinking that i didn’t care about others' opinions. i gaslit myself into believing that i had it in me to finish projects i had no idea how to start. in the process, i realized something crucial: when you tell yourself the same lie enough times, your brain doesn’t know the difference. it starts to believe you. and weirdly enough, life starts aligning itself with that narrative.

of course, gaslighting yourself comes with a bit of a paradox. you know you’re lying to yourself, but you have to buy into the lie enough to make it work. it’s like being both the con artist and the victim, except in this case, the con is positive. and maybe that’s what makes it so effective. the line between truth and fiction blurs, and somewhere in the middle, you realize that the fictional version of yourself is starting to resemble the real you.

this whole strategy works because our brains are incredibly malleable. cognitive dissonance, that uncomfortable feeling we get when our beliefs and actions don’t line up, is something the mind hates. so, when you keep telling yourself you’re capable, confident, or even happy, your brain does its best to resolve that dissonance by aligning with the narrative you’re feeding it. it’s like tricking your brain into action.

i’m not saying that gaslighting yourself is some miracle cure for all of life’s problems. there are still days when my inner critic is louder than my internal cheerleader, and sometimes that voice of doubt is too strong to quiet down. but more often than not, this little mental trick has helped me get through the rough patches with a bit more ease.

there’s something freeing about realizing that reality is, to some extent, what you make of it. gaslighting yourself isn’t about ignoring your problems or living in denial; it’s about reshaping the narrative you tell yourself about who you are and what you’re capable of. in a world where imposter syndrome runs rampant and self-doubt is a constant companion, gaslighting yourself can be an oddly empowering tool to flip the script.

that being said, there’s an important caveat to all of this. you have to know when to stop. gaslighting yourself into believing you’re capable of achieving your goals? great. gaslighting yourself into thinking that you’re invincible and nothing bad will ever happen? not so great. there’s a fine line between self-empowerment and delusion, and trust me, you don’t want to cross it. i’ve had moments where i convinced myself i could juggle way too many things at once, only to burn out spectacularly (cue sad montage of me in despair during 4th sem of college). there’s a balance to be struck between pushing yourself and knowing your limits.

at the end of the day, life is hard. we’re all trying to make sense of the chaos and navigate through uncertainties, insecurities, and setbacks. if there’s one thing we have control over, it’s the stories we tell ourselves. and sometimes, when reality feels too heavy, the best thing you can do is gaslight yourself—just enough to get through the tough moments, just enough to keep going when everything in you wants to give up. so, the next time you find yourself doubting your abilities, feeling like an imposter, or sinking under the weight of your own insecurities, try it. gaslight yourself. convince yourself that you’re smarter and stronger than you think you are. maybe, just maybe, you’ll start to believe it. and once you do, life has a funny way of rising to meet your expectations.

it’s not about lying to yourself forever. it’s about tricking your brain long enough to realize that you’re capable of more than you give yourself credit for. the key to life isn’t necessarily knowing what you’re doing all the time—it’s about convincing yourself that you can figure it out along the way. and that, my friends, is the true magic of gaslighting yourself.

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until my next post, feel free to check out some of my previous posts! :)